Dear Readers,

Well here we go. We all started the New Year with joy, happiness and fireworks. We welcomed 2015 with a laugh, love, faith, peace and so much kindness to give. We all believed that this year will be better. Offcourse that’s how you start the year, motivated, embraced with good and positive energy and above all with so much hope. We all have resolutions, so did I. I told you guys about the point of having resolutions and about keeping them and achieving them but I forgot to add up one more resolution to my list of resolutions.

veuillez m'excuser, que je suis un musulman
veuillez m’excuser, que je suis un musulman

Today I heard about the attack in France. Three masked men killed 12 people connected to the satirical weekly paper called “ Charlie Hebdo”. Yes, they mocked the radicalization of the Islam, but so did they mock the capitalization of our universe. I think that their resolution did not include “buying a bullet free jacket”, just as mine did not include “being sorry for my believe.” What if I they did buy that jacket? Would there be twelve less deaths right now? Would that be the solution to this heart aching problem? Would it matter if I had said sorry in advance? Questions racing my mind while I listen to the news and see the footage of a policemen being shot in a cruel way. I hear the journalists ask the questions and the only words popping up in front of my eyes are “Muslim”, followed by extremist, jihadists and terrorist. I stand up run towards the mirror and try to find the Muslim. I look just like them talking on television about this horrible act, feeling as sad and as disgust as them but why is it that when I look in the mirror I need to see guilt according to those journalist? Why is it that I have to feel sorry whenever I utter the word “believe”? Why is it that even if I feel the same sympathy and pain for the deaths, their relatives and friends, I still feel accused?

In my mind while I stare in to the mirror I already prepare my last speech as a culprit in front of the judge. I get back in front of the television where my trial is going on. I look at the accusers seated on the chair of independent journalism and I know that the judge, the millions of Dutch people seated in front of their television listening to the accusers are ready to give their verdict. A fair trail never ends without the last word of the suspect, that’s what I learned during Law school. It is supposed to be an international human right, but when I try to give my speech, it seems that the time is up and commercials start. I guess that’s how it is we are guilty before the sin just because of the fact that we believe. So once again: “I BELIEVE… I AM SORRY!”

By Sodaba Abibzay

2 thoughts on ““I BELIEVE..I AM SORRY?””

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