Awareness, Fear

Life Sentence…

life sentece

Standing in the middle of a bar, full of people. Energy is overloaded and alcohol is pouring itself within the systems. So many happy faces, so many beautiful smiles, so many joyful laughter’s but for me it all was fake. I mirrored the room from my own perspective. I scanned the eyes that were supposed to be happy just because their lips told us so. I was sure that every one of them standing in that exact same room, had a certain dose of sadness. A certain dose of sadness which would sober you up from your care-free ride along the alcohol. I know that sadness is a part of life. It’s a part of the journey. You are not a permanent member of that state of mind but just a traveller. Once in a while you will cross that road, you will fall, you will rise and you will overcome.

 But what if you were a permanent member of that block? What if sadness was your hood, what if you always lived at that same block? Will you call it living? In our community if someone doesn’t obey law we punish them. It is up to your sins how much of a sinner-time you will be serving but what if you got life sentence? Will that be just punishment or a death penalty? Imagine waking up in a prison every single day of your life. Not one that would detain your freedom but one that would detain your state of mind. What if living in your own body becomes a sentence you didn’t even knew you got attached to. When getting jail time at least you know what the charges are and you know who will be sentencing you. Law and order would have a face and a name as the state prosecutor and the judge but what if your charges are unknown, you never visited a courtroom, the judge didn’t clarify why you were sentenced and the prosecutor never asked why you did that? What if you are in a constant horror of being prisoned when you don’t even know what you have been prisoned for? This thinking I look at my beautiful friend. She has an amazing smile, beautiful eyes, a great soul and an even greater heart. I see her dancing in her beautiful dress, she is shining as if she is a gift from god. She is not greedy in sharing a beautiful smile.

I walk up to her, she turns around and I look her in the eyes. I am searching and hoping for that same happiness within her eyes but then it hits me. Her eyes are lost. I see the despair and pain within it. It brings out the fear of breathing, it shows the agony of a beating heart. She comes close with a smile on her lips and says: “ it’s a prison inside this beautiful head you are looking at, I wish I could escape.” She was also a prisoner of her own mind, waiting to get early out on probation. Then who am I to object? I silenced and uttered the words “ I rest my case”, with a defeated soul!

By Sodaba Abibzay

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