When I walk, I don’t touch the ground. When I walk I walk on the clouds. I like the way the wind blows in to my hair. I love the way I have a clear vision of every beautiful thing. I love the way life floats around my awareness. I love the dreams I have and the hopes I have nurtured. I like the fact that I am aware of the gift of life. I feel peace, I feel love and above all I feel hope. Being on a cloud, roaming around, the dirt on the ground can’t touch my soul, the evil of eyes can’t burn my heart and the darkness of the minds can’t scare me.
To most people I am unrealistic, to a lot I am insecure but to me I am brave. Brave for believing in sunshine when darkness is all you see, brave for having hope when hearts and dreams are being shattered, brave for being nice even if pain, hurt and unkind gestures is all you receive. To most I must be weak, weak to live in a world where I see colors, sunshine, bless full people and goodness, but to me I am bold.
Having the heart to give unconditionally, having the eyes to see goodness in all, having the spirit to believe even if it all falls apart, having the strength to carry a burden like it is a blessing and having the trust to overcome every down step ahead. When I was searching for a mirror I could look good in, I realized that the image reflecting was the bare and naked art of my soul. The eyes saw what the mind had developed.
I am known as a Nefelibata: “ a dreamer which goes through the roof, who lives in the clouds of their own imagination and dreams and does not obey the conventions of society, literature or art. “ When I was 3 years old my mother let a fortune-teller read my hand to tell her about my future and what that wise men said still shocks my mother. He said: “madame, your daughter walks on clouds, not on the ground, she lives in her own world.” My mother asked me a dozen of times “ why can’t you just be normal, like your other family members?” I guess she always knew that I would never be “normal.” I would not know what that meant and how one can be normal, when we all are born special. I don’t agree upon things because of the mass approval but above my own convention, I never judge upon situations I have never experienced, I don’t take people and their effort for granted, I value a good deed and I give back with heart, mind and soul. If being a Nefelibata makes me unknown to the cruel ways of this society and the ugly sides of humanity then I guess I gained hope, appreciation, peace of mind and lots of love by being one. As a Nefelibata you experience more pain, disappointment and tears than anyone but at the end you gain even from those experiences while being the dreamer that you are.
So if in life if you are a Nefelibata and you see it as a curse because the pain and hurt is always knocking on your door, understand that opening those doors, brings you to places where gratitude, love and peace of mind and heart is established.
By Sodaba Abibzay