The grieve of every person losing someone to life, death, love, or anger is that of letting go of the pain and agony. A story written for you , with you and by you turns into a climax that was unwritten by you. Every human on this earth has experienced loss in a certain way where letting go and the pain, agony, frustration or despair of it burns our peace, wellbeing, clear mind, ability to choose, to believe and to accept. We are all fond of stories that end well but what do we do with the stories that are half written, those ended before the end. Those that had so much potential but are not completed, those stuck on a chapter of pain and grief? How do we deal with those stories?
Every religion, time in history or culture has given comfort in stories, myths and believes to deal with such situations. In the Islam we say that letting go is in submitting to the will of god. Not a leaf will fall from the tree without the consent of Allah. In the Greek Mythology the god of fate and destiny (Moirai sisters) has planned your fate before you were born. The element of Choice is eliminated from the table. But nowadays when personal development, the importance of choice and the ability to turn your life around is turned into a lifestyle it is difficult to grab back to those comforting beliefs.
Being rational and practical has made us more aware and also in a sense has put a timer for us to deal with matters such as letting go, processing grief and healing. But can one really heal from the loss to death? As said before death is the only certainty to our lives but its that same subject that turns life in to an enemy when death is given the face of not fully lived, not fully developed, not fully created, not fully prepared to let go. The loss to inhumanity, lies, deceit and unexpectedness is one that has a different timeframe to process. It’s a wound that sometimes never heals and always needs medical attention. The scar is not one that will remind you of a pain somewhere in the past. The scar is painful and present every time you see it. Some say time heals all but I think that when losing believe in humanity, life and world time does not heal, time learns you to live with the pain and grief. Everyday is bittersweet. While you run as hard as you can to reach that place of feeling lighthearted you will always carry the weight of incredible unbelief that will sink you in the ocean of pain, tears and sorrow.
What to do in such situations? How do we deal with this kind of pain and agony? How do we make life as pleasant as possible? We stop, we kneel, we fall, we feel, we cry and we repeat this process as many times as needed. We learn to feel and be ok with the feeling of not being ok. Accepting that pain and not fighting against it is the first step towards healing an open wound. Running away for the pain and hurt will make you stand still and close your eyes while all the monsters of your mind are ready to confront you the moment you even peek a little bit. Do whatever you can to get rid of the emotions; write, scream, cry, sport, dance, talk, meditate or sleep! Do whatever feels good for you and do it as long as you think that you need it. We don’t need to repair ourselves from the outside while the bursts are growing deeper from the inside. We should al stop the fixing ourselves within a week fashion. You can’t feel good or ok if you have loved, cared and nurtured someone you have lost to death , cruelty of life or inhumanity of human nature. Healthy conversations and healthy grieving will make your heart feel whole again even if it is bruised or scarred . I dont say that you will never feel that pain or agony again but you will learn to rationalize it and you learn to embrace it. That way it will be part of you just like anger in traffic or laughing at a joke will be a part of life.
In pain the only way out of pain is through the pain…..